Cupcake
by Shipper Haven
Summary: One pastry sure does cause a lot, doesn't it?


"Hey, Kar-"

"Oh, fuck. It's you. What do you want, Egbert?"

"I just wanted to see how you're doing, jeez. What's wrong with that?"

"Fine. Nothing. I'm a Gog damned ball of sunshine that sees rainbows and cheer as far as the eye can see. Now that you can oh so openly witness my sheer fucking joy and happiness, get out of my room, nook whiff."

John let out a wary sigh as he crossed the threshold, ignoring the glare and setting a small box in front of the troll. Beady black eyes immediately shot toward the object, his mouth opening to make perhaps another remark, but the human beat him to it.

"It's a cupcake. Eat it or throw it away or whatever you want."

He doesn't wait for the other to respond before scampering away as fast as he could, leaving Vantas a bit more befuddled than before. And alone. With the supposed cupcake. Scowling, he grumbled.

"The fuck even _is_ a cupcake?"

He reached forward, hands dropping the blanket around him to grab at the foreign parcel. There is no time wasted in opening it, naturally. He half-expected it to be something ridiculous. Perhaps another shitty prankster item or half-hearted trick. But, inside is quite the surprise. A fist sized, brown lump with murky swirls of icing greeted him. The desert was actually quite well made; trolls, however, just weren't used to such foods. The sickeningly sweet aroma that filled his nostrils nearly made him gag. Nonetheless, he drew closer; his inner curiosity fueling his next actions as he scooped up the morsel. With eyes clenched shut and expecting the worst, he took a bite.

_It was fucking amazing._

The tang of bittersweet softness mixed with the smooth cream made the rather pathetic food absolutely delicious; though, he'd never admit the amount of gratification he had at that moment aloud. Ever. Perhaps it was because he hadn't eaten anything in a good day or three, but...

"Shit."

He swallowed quickly and wiped his mouth, leaning away from the delicacy. What was this thing again? Damn, he hasn't been listening when Egderp had said it. Grumbling, the troll stood, half-eaten cupcake in hand, to make his way to said idiot.

Finding the dork was easy enough; he was in the commons room. Alone. Seemingly asleep on the couch. However, as the grump crept closer, soft words reached his perked ears. Mainly his name. Not wanting to catch the other's attention, Karkat eased himself to a crouch behind the back of the sofa.

"-Trolls even like cupcakes? Ugh. I'm such an idiot! He probably thinks I'm weird for even giving him it. Well...Weirder."

He presses closer to hear the whispered babbling; a scheming smirk now claiming once furious features.

"Oh, my god! Why did I even try that? It was probably dumb. I bet he threw it out anyways. Maybe he'll forget about it. Heh. If I'm that lucky-" there was a brief shuffle and the troll had to lean uncomfortably closer just to hear the other's next much, much more muffled words.

"-Don't know how to impress him. Geez, if he'd just like me back then I wouldn't have to be like...this!"

Heat quickly flooded his cheeks as he bit his lip, stifling any possible outburst to continue listening in.

"Hell, I'd be on cloud nine if he just would..." A groan signaled the end of the tangent, but the spy did not move. He couldn't help the nervous flutter of his heart. Or the slight blush. Or the tiniest of smiles gracing his stiff lips. Egbert liked him. John fucking no-homo Egbert liked him.

And maybe...He liked Egbert a little back.

So, he'd play this out like one of his romcoms. He'd seen enough. He could. Besides, it would be hilarious to see just how far he could push the derp.

Without further ado, Karkat stood up, completely silent as he did so, and sharply prodded John, who had his own head buried in the cushions of the sofa. However, at the jab, the human let out a startled cry and scrambled blindly, causing him to flop to the ground in an unceremonious heap. Blues eyes widened as he gasped.

"Karkat-!"

"Hey, Egderp. What the fuck did you call these shitty little things again?"

The grey other slid over the back of the coach, coming to sit cross legged in the spot his friend once occupied.

"T-they're cupcakes."

His reply is breathless, ironically, as he sits up.

"Hm. Well, they're not complete shit."

"S-so, you like them then?"

"Compared to all the other human garbage I've had the displeasure to consume, sure. This brown 'cupcake' isn't too awful."

"Hehe. I'm more of a chocolate person myself too!"

Immediate excitement colors John's tone while he leans forward, chuckling.

"The fuck is a chocolate?"

"Oh! Well, that's why it's brown! Cause, y'know, its chocolate! I don't really know what it is, though. But...I think it comes from a tree, like, as a cocoa bean or something."

"There are so many flaws in that statement that I'm not even going to begin pointing them out. And, wait. You say 'this is chocolate' like there are others."

"Well, duh! Of course there are different flavors."

The clear confusion on the troll's face fuels his own laughter, allowing him to barely choke out.

"Okay. Hold on a sec-"

And with that, he quickly disappears, returning a few moments later with a larger white box. He ignored the skeptical glance shot his way and plops down right beside Mister Grumpy. Opening the container, he points to each flavor as he says,

"See, this one's vanilla, which is Rose's favorite. Then there's red velvet and white chocolate and dark chocolate with raspberry and Faygo and strawberry-"

The list went on. At each cupcake's mention, Karkat would take a bite, tasting, and giving his opinion with a curious stare or sticking out his tongue. He did this with all of them, testing each flavor, before finally stating.

"I still like the chocolate fucker best."

"Well, I think you'll really like this one then!"

He is handed another mud-colored pastry; its texture moist and frosting twirling into a flawless, dark brown swirl, topped with the oddest red object.

"This is a bittersweet chocolate with fudge filling and frosting! Not to mention, it has a cherry on top! Because cherries make everything better, don't you think?"

"Don't know. Never had one."

Sir Shouty's reply was only half interested as he inspected the candy red piece. He plucked it off the top, rolling it between digits thoughtfully, before finally popping the fruit into his mouth.

Instantly, his expression is alight with surprise, which only fuels more of the prankster's giggles. HE flips the other off in response as he goes to take a bite of the morsel, relishing the taste almost the instant it meets his senses. The enjoyment even managed to slip past his usual hard exterior in the form a small smile. A smile that Egbert comments on at once.

"Wow. You should really smile more often. It suits you!"

"Fuck you, Egderp."

"Name the time and place."

He groans at that, shaking his head in exasperation as John laughed.

"Listen here, you sorry sack of a pathetic life, we do NOT, I repeat, do NOT need another Ampora around."

"Sorry, Karkat. You just make it so easy!"

"I fucking hate all of you."

"But there's only me around!"

"Trust me, you're all pretty much douchebags."

"Oh, so here comes the totally scathing trolling again, huh?"

"Fuck off, asshat."

"Anyways, instead of you getting completely shouty again, why don't we watch a movie? There's this totally good one with Nic-"

"Nope. If any of your movie choices have that shit for brains actor, then no."

"Well...What do you want to watch? An awful romcom?"

"First off, my Romcom's are the shit. Second, there's this one with Troll Sandler where he falls flushed for another troll who has had her think-pan damaged in an accident, so her memories are completely fucked up. Since she can't remember anything after 24 hours, Troll Sandler has to make her fall flushed for him every day. It's pretty damn awesome."

"...Wow. That sounds awful."

"Hey, you know what? Shut the fuck up. That movie's the best thing your puny mind could even tolerate with all that garbage Cage has shoved down your protein chute."

"Fine, fine. We'll watch that..."

With a defeated groan, John moved to set up the film while Vantas simply tucked himself into the corner cushion, arms curling around his aching midsection as he drew his knees up to his chest.

An hour in, it was quite clear that Karkat wasn't "cold", as John had thought, but hungry. No, ravenous, actually.

"Starving, huh?"

"Shut the fuck up, Egderp."

"Wow, defensive much? Jeez, take a chill pill. You just need to eat. That's not all surprising considering the fact you've completely locked yourself away for these past few days."

The only answer the human received was a kind middle finger and a glare. Both of which he ignored. Standing, he held out his hand.

"Come on, Karkat. I'll even make food for you!"

"Whatever human garbage you deem as 'food' that you want to attempt to make, I'll pass and choose life."

"That's mean! My food's great!"

"How do you even know how to cook shit, dumbass?"

"Obviously if I didn't want to live off of cake and take out, I'd learn! Does it look like I want type two-diabetes to you? Now, come on! You're acting like a baby or grub or whatever it is you little trolls are!"

The mutant's gaze narrows, but he sidles to his feet; grey fingers come to lace between the other's without pause. It took a lot to keep his usual, scowling demeanor still, especially at the human's immediate blush, but he managed. Barely.

"U-uh, yeah. Well, come on..."

Smirking, he follows behind his Heir.

Revenge was going to be one tricky bitch, John.

* * *

A/N: A (slightly!) late birthday present for my friend. Will be three parts. Hope you enjoyed. :)


End file.
